I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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