I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
