thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
