Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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