Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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