You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
