I'm jealous of your bromance
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
