There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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