why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
