hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
