I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
