ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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