are you still at the devil's house?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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