The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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