He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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