Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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