I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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