His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
