All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
