i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
