I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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