i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
