Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
