they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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