Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
