I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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