GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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