is your mom at the bar?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
