You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
