I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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