Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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