You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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