I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
