i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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