Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my sisters under your porch take her home
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
