I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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