Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
