if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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