So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
