Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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