Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
