I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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