So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
