it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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