i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
being pregnant is like rehab
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
