i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
