none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
