I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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