If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
