I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you traded sex for a burrito?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
