Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
