thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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