um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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