I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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