is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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