woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
