Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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