it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
