guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
