Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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