I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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