is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
