You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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