i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
