I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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