Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
