he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
